Like all of us, I have had many occasions to forgive. I’ve forgiven verbal abuse, betrayal, belittling, psychic attacks, manipulations, lies, stealing, and the list goes on. I’ve forgiven past life tormentors, and those who have tormented me this life.
And I’m going to be perfectly honest. It hasn’t always been easy. There have been many times where something in me wanted to remain angry and hang on to my pain.
I’ve looked at that deeply. It sounds insane doesn’t it? Yet most of us know that all-too-familiar feeling of wanting to let the past go, while hanging onto it. It feels, at times, as if the anger can protect us from a repeat of the pain we’ve endured. It isn’t logical. It is, instead, a by-product of our biology.
Our biology says, “If you remember pain, you can avoid it.” If you touch a hot stove once, you’re very unlikely to do it again. The brain imprints the pain and reminds you when you even come near the heat. If you get sliced by a kitchen knife, chances are you’ll be much more cautious in the future. It works this ways in animals too. If a dog gets hit by a man in a red hat, every time that dog sees a guy in a red hat he’ll bark in self-defense… until the dog learns he’s safe.
If we experience a traumatic event it imprints in our biological programming much more strongly than a neutral one. Something in our biology tells us that if we hang on to that memory, we can avoid those pains in the future. Life doesn’t quite work that way. Remembering the lesson helps us to avoid pain. Hanging on to the emotional pain is like saying, “I must remain burnt forever so I never again touch a hot stove.” Insanity. Yet we do it.
It isn’t easy to overcome this wiring. It takes prayer, diligence, and courage. It takes acknowledging and working through the pain of the past, rather than stuffing our feelings and avoiding them. It takes embracing the wounded inner child that wants to react in anger. It takes willpower to switch our thoughts time and again, or the courage to reach out for professional help and reprogramming, if necessary.
However, it is do-able… and it sets you free.
Several years ago I came as close to hatred as I’d ever been. A jealous and powerful person was attacking me psychically, physically, and in many ways that were beyond description. I felt like I was starring in a Sci-fi horror flick. I was sickened that someone I’d never met could hate me that deeply. I started to get angry at the abuse. That was natural. But when the anger started deepening and getting out of control, I felt like the dark side of the force was trying to suck me in. I refused to go there. I knew I needed to forgive.
Before I could forgive, I had to fully embrace my lesson in the drama. How had I created or allowed for it? I knew the answer was a past-life fear of possession. What could I learn? I knew the answer – that love was stronger than hate, and light stronger than darkness. I resolved to learn this even in spite of my fear and upset.
I prayed like crazy. I prayed for help in forgiving. I prayed to become so strong in my love that I could love the light in the one who hated me. I prayed for the soul of the person attacking me to be lifted into the light. I absorbed every healing energy transmission I could find, both from others, and internally from my own angels, guides, and God.
It was not easy! It was worth every bit of effort. At long last my ability to love the light in the other person strengthened. My fear left. I found a power inside that was so bright, brilliant, and beautiful I’ve never endured those types of attacks again. I’ve even helped clients rid themselves of demons with a love that moves mountains.
Forgiveness isn’t something we grant another. Forgiveness is the gift to self. It has been called “refusing to drink the poison others give us.”
I prefer the angels’ definition… “I refuse to give the actions of others in my past power over my future. I release them to go their way in peace, and I free myself so that I may experience peace, joy, abundance, and love.”
Here are some pointers to help you forgive, when forgiving is not easy:
1. Remind yourself that You are forgiving to free yourself
Ask yourself over and over… “Do I want to carry the pain from the past or do I want to grow spiritually and take responsibility for my own joy?” That is a tough question, but necessary to make the courageous choice to free your spirit.
Seeing forgiveness as an act of self-love is half the battle.
Forgiveness is not a favor, a pardon, or an acceptance of someone’s negative actions. It does not mean you have to say anything to the person involved, or go back for more. You don’t have to like them. You simply have to be willing to acknowledge that we are here, as souls, in a dance of growth and evolution, and that no matter how dark the personality or the actions, there is a spark of light trying to emerge in us all.
Offensive people in your past may well be the villains that help you become your own hero!
2. Feel your feelings and love yourself through it
This takes courage. It is not fun to feel the upset, the pain, the anger, the sadness, the grief, the rage, the whatever it was / is you feel about the past. It may require counseling, journaling, contemplation, and commitment.
It takes a willingness to become the parent to your inner child, the rescuer to your inner lost parts, the hero to your own wounded self, and the lover to the parts of your soul that felt unloved.
Feel the feelings, and then say to the hurting parts of your spirit, “I am so sorry we went through this pain. I’m sorry someone hurt us. I’m sorry you suffered in silence. I’m sorry you were mistreated, abandoned, criticized, raped, beaten, starved, lied to, etc. I’m so sorry dear parts of my soul that we endured such pain. Let us release ourselves into the light. “
“All wounded parts within me, I invite you to go into the light and leave me to grow with joy. I love you. You have helped me grow strong. You have helped me trust myself. You have helped me learn discernment. You have helped me learn to stop being a martyr. You have helped me learn to stop trying to earn love from those who can’t give it. You have helped me see who I do not want to be….”
As you acknowledge these hurting parts within, thank them for the growth. Then imagine you are escorting them into the light, into the arms of angels. Release them, so you can free your soul. They will integrate and become part of you in a healthier, happier way.
Sometimes this takes professional therapeutic help. Love yourself enough to seek the assistance you need.
3. Get out of the brain rut by reprogramming
Past injustices can play like a broken record in the brain. This is where biology hijacks the conscious mind. You want to think happier and better thoughts but the imprint of pain is strong. It takes willpower, or reprogramming modalities to help you switch out of the pain-memories.
Sometimes I have been strong enough to catch myself and keep switching my thoughts.
I’ve made myself think of three good things every time I think of something unpleasant.
I’ve retrained my brain to think of what I’m learning and viewthe hurtful souls simply as a “supporting actors” in my soul’s growth.
I’ve substituted self-loving thoughts when my brain wants to go back to thinking of something unkind.
I’ve prayed for help and asked the angels to work on rewiring my brain while I sleep!
There are also many technologies for reprogramming the brain – EFT, EMDR, and hypnosis. Dr. Joe Dispenza’s book, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” is also an excellent resource for self study.
Reprogramming is not easy. It takes diligent, consistent, choice and/or assistance. It is, however, worth every bit of effort.
4. Give thanks for lessons learned
I look back on every single soul that has been hurtful in my life and give thanks for the lessons. I see how they played an important, albeit painful, part in my evolution. I thank God for the increasing ability to weather life’s storms with ease, grace, and above all, love.
When you can think of the past without any negative emotional charge, you have learned from your “villains” and you have become your own loving hero!
Forgiveness isn’t an easy subject, however the energies are so strong on earth right now, it is worth pondering. It is a great time to dig deep, do the work, and let go of that which caused pain, so we can be free to ride these waves of love and energy straight into the lives of our dreams!
Love you all!
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